Comparing Yourself To Others? Learn How To Stop!
This was a hard lesson for me to master! I haven't learnt not to compare myself to others- I'm only human-and comparing ourselves to others is humanly normal- it's part of our social conditioning and its propelled by the doing-driven mind which wants to assess where you currently are in your life against where everyone else is in theirs, and therefore close that gap!!
What I've learnt is how empowering it is to manage those thoughts of comparison. My spiritual practices have taught me how to create a gap between my thoughts- a space where a bit of higher awareness drops in before I actually believe what my mind, my ego, my thoughts are telling me. So, if I begin to run a thought that I'm not as good as someone else, not as skilled, as beautiful, as successful, whatever it might be, I've learnt to observe that thought from a distance and recognise it as just the minds chatter, just it’s need to close the gap between where I'm at now, and where I want to be.
The most prominent time of life that this came up for me was when I started to teach others about spirituality and personal development. Imposter syndrome set in as I realised that I'd have to start talking to actual people and audiences- who am I to do this? Who cares what I have to say on the subject. I'm no Wayne Dyer or Gabrielle Bernstein- they're far better at spiritual teaching than I am! I almost floored myself by comparing myself to other spiritual teachers. These spiritual greats were like a mirror to me- all I could see was my shortfalls staring back at me!
Everything that I had learnt over 17 years, all of my achievements, felt tainted because in my mind, I couldn't measure up. The fear of not being as good as other people was a daily struggle and this led to embarrassment and even shame. Such destructive emotions.
It took some time for me to brave it all and step into this business of mine (which meant coming out of the spiritual closet of course) but I eventually stopped holding myself back and here I am!
That voice of comparison does often rear its head, but I have a great toolkit now to stop it in it's tracks. And I'd like to share that toolkit with you now.
So, as I said before, it's really important to start a practice of thought observation so that you can watch and catch those nasty thoughts of comparison when they arise. Spend some time each day, maybe 10-15 minutes, where you sit in the quiet and observe the thoughts weaving in and out. I used to write them down. "Now I'm thinking about.... Shopping, work, garden, kids” etc etc. I wouldn't follow the thought, I'd simply notice it, write a word or 2 to acknowledge it was there, and allow it to pass before listening for the next thought.
This builds a new way of thinking- an ability to just observe your thoughts without attaching to them or identifying with them. The more you practice it, the more you'll be able to notice when your mind is chattering nonsense at you, and then you become empowered. You can then choose whether you want to believe the thought or not... so, if you've observed a thought that’s replaying in your mind, such as "you're not as good as she is-you can’t do that", once you're aware of it, you've immediately created a gap between those thoughts where you can consciously and actively insert some higher wisdom- you can actually get curious about the thought now and question whether its actually true! "hmm.. is that actually true? Er, no it's not!"
Allow that newer, wiser inner voice to be your best friend. How would this wise best friend respond to that crappy thought you’ve just had?
They would empathise with you, offer you words of encouragement, and remind you of all of the reasons why you're great! They'd sit with you and discuss your feelings, comfort you and give you hugs.
When your minds inner arsehole wants to start hurling negativity and comparisons at you, open the door to your wise inner best friend so that they can bring in the love and understanding you need. My wise inner best friend is often the energy known as Archeia Mary. The spiritual turquoise rays. Whenever I connect with her turquoise rays of energy, I always feel nurtured and heart-whole and when I meditate with her I feel like I'm getting a deep hug of love and appreciation from the inside out. She boosts my sense of self confidence and self worth really powerfully.
Something else that helps to counteract comparing yourself to others is to focus on your strengths, your skills and your achievements.
At the end of a day make a note of what you have accomplished today, what wins you've had, what you did well, how you helped someone, what you were proud of yourself for. This will help you to see, in black & white, exactly how wonderful you are and what you're able to achieve. Allow that list to boost your confidence and pride in who you actually are.
Hold that list close to your heart centre-literally place it over your heart and visualise the words leaving the paper and soaking into your heart. Feel your heart bathed in the spiritual rays of pink and turquoise and allow self-love to really swell in your heart. A beautiful and simple energetic tool there for you.
As an add-on to that little technique, allow the pink and turquoise rays in your heart to flow out to those people who you have been comparing yourself to. Visualise a cord of loving energy between your heart and theirs. Why is this important? Well, when we compare ourselves to others we often feel the emotions of resentment or envy arise – even pure jealousy. So this little energetic visualisation helps to soften any feelings of resentment or envy between you. Set the intention of letting their triumphs and achievements open you up to inspiration for what you can be, what you can do and what you can have as well. See your possibilities within them and allow yourself to feel love and appreciation for them and what they're teaching you.
If you need to compare yourself with anyone, only use yourself to compare yourself to. What can you do or be to reach your own best life? To reach your own potential? How can you be a better, more heart-centred person? How can you love yourself more today?
Remember, what you focus on, grows. If you focus on others you're giving your power away- you're wasting your precious energy! Claim you power back and use that time and energy in refocusing on what you can do to create the life you want- take your power back and shift to being the best possible version of you that you can be, and then share who you are with the world, unapologetically and proudly.
It reminds me of a beautiful quote by Zen Shin that goes "A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms."
Be that flower and bloom in all of your uniqueness and glory.
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Hi! I'm Rachel and I love exploring ways to make life more peaceful and fulfilling. Thank you for reading my blogs. If you're thinking "what's next?", click on the posts above or tags below and you'll be taken to more blogs. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter so you don't miss one, and share the blogs with friends who may be in need. Lots of Love 💛
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